letter 2

dear Diversion-
there are still times when i feel like i took advantage of you... and i feel bad. but you know, even though we were together for a long while, i was never in love with you. you were my dear friend - and i loved you like i loved any friend of mine.... but i was needing some stabilty.
our relationship was just to benefit me - i wanted a companion. i should have just gotten a pet!

i was struggling and in school and working 3 jobs and i just wanted someone i could relax and hang out with. at the time, you needed someone to be your friend too - with your sister's death. we served a good purpose for each other.

but you talked about marriage - and things that i didn't want with you.
i guess in a young and selfish way i just kept playing a role... even though i told you "no" - and never mislead you .... i didn't leave... only to fill my needs.
you were safe and familiar. i wasn't completely faithful (didn't sleep around - but still)... but what did i care - i was 22! i thought i was in charge. i thought it was me against the world....

that was wrong.

i know that now - that i am older.

i also know i was no angel then either....

you were very irresponsible, you drank WAY too much, you were not educated, you were lazy, you never wanted to leave the house, you had no aspriations in life, you were VERY immature, you had a "Keg-a-rator" you were obsessed with video games - and i was never attracted to you.... and quite often, you would really creep me out.
but you were my friend... and your were a good soul... you were kind, and we always had a good laugh.

its too bad that you became an evil hearted man. its too bad you began to treat people poorly...

though i've seen you a few times in the last 2 years. I know that you and your new bride are not only meant for each other, but are happy together - and that eases my guilty feelings.

but i am sorry i used you as a distraction.

Regards, Sarnra